Beautiful Beast Read online

  “What?” Luke prodded.

  “He’s just asking how I’m doing.”

  “Really? I wonder what words he used that had you blushing just a second ago.”

  “Oh, fuck off.”

  “Answer him.”

  “But I want to catch up with you!”

  “We have been talking incessantly for the past four hours, and we’re having dinner on Monday. Answer him.”

  K: It was a mess, but an old friend has helped me a lot. I have three boxes of stuff I need to bring to charity. Anyway… I might be a bit impatient too.

  J: Are you free on Friday?

  Three days to go.

  K: Yes. What do you have in mind?

  J: We’ll have dinner, a couple of drinks, and maybe a kiss. If at any time during the evening you want to leave, you leave.

  “That good, huh?” Luke asked.

  Kevin had almost forgotten him. Jesus!

  “He’s very direct. It’s a nice change from the usual mind games. He wants to meet on Friday.”

  Luke lifted his fist in the air. “Go, Kev!”

  K: Just a kiss?

  J: Kevin, I saw you dance. I can’t wait to touch you. I’m only curious about how you smell and how you will sound. But a kiss is a good start. Great even.

  “I think I’ll be going,” Luke interrupted the stream of high-resolution porn in Kevin’s head.

  “I’m sorry! I’m putting my phone away.”

  “No, it’s fine. I told you to check the message. And Marcus is waiting at home. I should go anyway.”

  “Are you sure?”

  “Yes. I’ll see you in just a few days, remember?”

  “Dinner Monday.”

  “Bacchus Bar at six.”

  “Awesome.”

  Kevin left his phone on the coffee table while he accompanied Luke to the door and waited for his friend to tie his shoes. They hugged, and Luke even brushed a kiss on Kevin’s cheek.

  Kevin’s apartment quieted after Luke left. Uncomfortable with being alone again, Kevin went back to the living room, sat down, and took his phone in hand, staring at the dark screen. Was he crazy to feel what he was beginning to feel? Probably. But it was too good to resist.

  K: You are a little intense, you know that? Friday works.

  J: I’ve been told before. Is that a problem?

  K: No. More of a promise.

  J: Friday. I can make it until Friday. Why did I say Friday? I want to see you now.

  Feeling unusually bold, Kevin took a quick selfie of his tired, sleepy face resting on the couch cushions. He hit Send before he could think better of it.

  J: You’re cute when you’re all helpless and exhausted. I’d make you tea and tuck you in.

  K: Friday.

  J: Yes. Go to bed, Kev.

  K: Yes, sir.

  J: *groan*

  Kevin went to sleep with a grin on his face, the fatigue a pleasant weight in his limbs, like a cozy extra blanket.

  3 First Kiss

  Joakim recognized him immediately. Kevin’s heart-shaped, plump lips stretched in a careful smile; he was stunning. There weren’t good enough words to describe the man’s angelic face. Light blue eyes, big, round and sparkling, with long lashes. His nose was small and perfectly straight, cheekbones high and sharply cut, jawline soft and boyish, even though the thin lines on his forehead said he must be closer to thirty than twenty. Kevin had an exquisite face and an exquisite smile.

  He moved like the dancer he was, drifting gracefully among the people in the crowded restaurant until he stood close to the tall table Joakim waited by. He blinked nervously, and those full lips parted. Joakim wanted to suck on them, see if they turned a darker shade of red… And he was just sitting there, gaping like a fool. Realizing his mistake, he jumped up from his seat to welcome his date properly. The chair scraped on the floor, making an awful sound over the sultry music in the restaurant. Joakim winced.

  “Sorry,” he said. “Hi. Hello. Lovely to finally meet you properly.”

  “Hi,” Kevin said and smiled a shy smile, which would have buckled Joakim’s knees if he hadn’t been leaning on the table with one hand.

  “Hi,” he repeated dumbly. Then he had to laugh. “Sorry, I’m just…” He gestured helplessly at Kevin and shook his head. He’d spent the past few days telling himself it was nothing. Just a lark. But now the beautiful creature that had been following him in his dreams was here in the flesh, and Joakim floundered like he never had before. Could he at least stay coherent, for fuck’s sakes?

  “What?” Kevin said, perplexed. He looked down, perusing his own body, probably looking for stains or an open fly.

  “No! God, no. You look great. I’m just a bit stunned, that’s all. I’ll put myself back together in a minute, I promise.”

  Kevin only looked more bewildered.

  “Sit down,” Joakim said decisively. “Sit, and we’ll have a drink. I definitely need it.”

  Kevin chuckled, still puzzled, and sat opposite Joakim at the tall round table. The chairs were as high as bar stools but more comfortable, with plush armrests. Joakim couldn’t help but follow the lines of Kevin’s body with his gaze as the man settled into his chair, all long, slim limbs and graceful movements. He was dressed casually, in light beige chinos, tight over his sculpted thighs and calves, a blue button-up with a fine pink flowery print, and a silver-gray jacket. His clothes and movements had that subtle feminine flair Joakim always admired. It spoke of courage and honesty, of being comfortable with your true self. Combined with the shine of his blond, windswept hair and his milky skin, Kevin shone in the dim restaurant like a fucking supernova.

  Joakim was still staring. Say something normal. Anything! Joakim only thought of telling Kevin he was the most gorgeous being he’d ever seen in his whole damned life, but he stopped himself. Other than that, nothing came. First date, dammit. You’ve done this hundreds of times. Get a grip.

  Kevin was nervous now, fiddling with his sleeve, and he looked at Joakim from the corner of his eye. Joakim realized that in order to restart his brain, he needed to look away. Tearing his gaze away from Kevin was painful, but Joakim managed to steer his attention to the bar. Look, there are glasses and shakers. Bottles. Personnel. A bartender. Say something normal.

  “They have cocktails, but there’s also sake. They’re known for their great sake selection. Or Japanese beer? Lager?” And now he was rambling. Jesus! After an epic dry spell, I finally meet a man I actually want to impress, and that’s when my intellect decides to take a day off? Really?

  “Sake sounds great. I haven’t had sake in ages.”

  “You’re in for a treat. They’re quite busy, so we might have to wait a tiny bit longer, but the food is worth it.”

  “I trust you,” Kevin said with a soft smile, and Joakim’s brain scrambled again.

  “Wow, I can’t even look at you,” he blurted.

  Kevin’s eyes widened. He blinked, obviously at a loss as to what to say and jumping to the wrong conclusions already.

  “No! Shit, sorry. Not like that. I… your face is very distracting.”

  Still confused, Kevin parted his amazing mouth to speak, but Joakim intercepted him. “You are beautiful, Kevin. Gorgeous. And it’s messing with my head a little. I’ll be fine in a minute. I better stop babbling before you run away.”

  “I… erm. Thank you?”

  Joakim had to laugh at the sincere bewilderment of the man.

  “Let’s order some sake,” Joakim said, trying to climb out of the hole he’d managed to dig himself during the first two minutes of the date.

  “Yeah. I think I need a drink too,” Kevin said in a perfectly natural voice, and Joakim thanked all the gods and all the elements and Kevin for saving him from lethal embarrassment. Joakim could talk about food and sake without saying something stupid. He was almost sure he could.

  The waiter came to their rescue, handing them their menus, and Joakim asked for sake, something understated to start with. The waiter claimed he had just the right thing and hurried away again.

  “If you like seafood, the sashimi and the squid are fantastic.”

  “I’m vegetarian,” Kevin said quietly as if expecting a rebuttal.

  “Oh? No problem. I’ve tried their vegan dumplings, avocado salad, the shitake cakes and… wait a second”—he searched the menu for more options—“and the Korean pancakes. Those are delicious.”

  “You eat here often?” Kevin asked.

  Joakim leaned in. “If it were up to me, I’d sleep in their kitchen. But shh, I think the manager suspects something. She’s been eyeing me evilly for the past fifty-nine dinners.”

  Kevin laughed, and the sound delighted Joakim to no end.

  The waiter was back by then, and they got their sake glasses.

  “This looks cool. I have never seen these before,” Kevin said, pointing at the sake sets—small, chubby wine glasses sitting in square wooden boxes. He watched with amusement as the waiter poured until the glass overflowed and the clear wine ran over into the small wooden box underneath. The waiter smirked knowingly.

  “It’s a gesture of generosity,” Joakim explained. “You can fill up your glass again later from the box.”

  The waiter nodded and left.

  “By the way, I’m not really a sake nerd. I didn’t know what the boxes were for until last week. And I have actually been here only three times or so,” Joakim said. “But I would sleep in their kitchen nonetheless.” He was still rambling, but Kevin was smiling again. With relief, Joakim lifted the box with the glass and raised his eyebrows at Kevin encouragingly. Kevin mimicked him, and they both took a sip.

  Kevin looked at him with his wide, blue eyes, and Joakim’s heart beat faster. Get. A. Fucking. Grip!

  “It’s d
elicious. Thank you,” Kevin said and drank some more, humming softly. He licked his lips. Damn.

  “Have you decided on what you want to eat?” Joakim asked and had to clear his throat.

  “Nope, but it seems you know what’s good here, since you’ve almost already moved in. How about you order for us?”

  Joakim chuckled. “Something you explicitly don’t like?”

  “I’m low maintenance when it comes to food,” Kevin said and then winced as if wanting to take it back. “I mean, I love good food, but I have no weird hang-ups. Except for the vegetarianism.”

  Joakim shrugged. He didn’t mind. He didn’t eat that much meat himself. It was fish and seafood he would have trouble giving up. “Nothing weird about that,” he said.

  “Glad you think so,” Kevin replied, and Joakim watched the smile reappear.

  Holy hell… I am way out of my depth here.

  “Okay, good. I’ll order for us both, then. How’s your relationship to cilantro?”

  “I like cilantro.”

  “Wonderful.”

  Joakim ordered the avocado salad, fried cilantro roots, dumplings, and Korean pancakes to share. He couldn’t resist getting a sashimi starter for himself, apologizing, but Kevin just shrugged.

  “How long did you live in Finland?” Joakim asked when their starter arrived.

  “Only one season. I lived in Helsinki for ten months.”

  “How was it?”

  “Hectic. And a little lonely. Aside from the ensemble, I didn’t know anyone. But Helsinki is nice except for late November. That was brutal.”

  “Worse than here? I doubt that. There is no place on Earth as dark and depressing as Gothenburg in November.”

  “Helsinki comes a close second,” Kevin said, nodding grimly. “Usually, I had my roommate’s shoulder to cry on. But this time, I was on my own. I think I saw Howl’s Moving Castle twelve times in three weeks last autumn.”

  Joakim had to laugh at that. “Really? That’s your comfort movie? It’s about a war!”

  “You’ve seen it?”

  “Yes, of course I have,” he said. “My sister’s kids introduced me to anime. Now, I use them as an excuse.”

  Kevin’s lovely eyes scanned Joakim’s face, and Joakim realized he could breathe and speak normally. Good. He might even get used to Kevin’s proximity after a while. Listening to him speak helped a lot. He seemed less otherworldly and more like the gentle, clever man he obviously was.

  “What’s your comfort movie?” Kevin asked.

  “I don’t watch many movies these days. Only when I’m sick or babysitting my nieces. But I have seen The Fifth Element more times than I care to admit. And A Fish Called Wanda.”

  “That’s John Cleese, right?”

  “Yes. Kevin Cline, Jamie Lee Curtis, and the Monty Python crew.”

  “I’ve seen it. It’s really funny.”

  “How does it feel to be back?” Joakim asked.

  “Exciting but a little sad too. Nostalgic, maybe. Most of my friends have moved forward in their lives. I feel left behind.”

  Joakim could identify with that. At his age, he didn’t have many friends who were single. When they were, they were workaholics like him. “Like in their careers? Or personal lives?”

  “Career-wise is more or less the same. Except for Luke, my best friend. He has left the dance company. He’s studying to become a nurse. It feels strange without him. And the rest…everybody seems very much settled, paired off, planning weddings and kids.”

  “And you?”

  “I’m a little up in the air.”

  “No anchor.”

  “Exactly.”

  Joakim wanted to ask if Kevin wanted to settle down, if he wanted a family eventually. Then he remembered it was their first date and bit his tongue.

  A lot of Joakim’s success in life had been based on his ability to read people while remaining unreadable himself. Kevin was an open book, and Joakim was drawn to him more with each passing second. There was kindness, gentleness, and honesty inside the pretty packaging, and Joakim had already decided to employ all his talents to pursue the man.

  However, Kevin obviously had no idea who Joakim was. Being only a half-assed celebrity, Joakim was used to moving anonymously in public. Only entrepreneurs and those who worked in IT and engineering tended to know him. Most people vaguely recognized him but couldn’t place him, thankfully. With Kevin, he enjoyed the lack of pressure and the freedom to just be himself and not the Joakim Carlsson. But how would Kevin react if he knew all about him? Was Joakim supposed to emphasize his peculiar social status? How was it even relevant at this point?

  Something told him Kevin didn’t much care for the state of his date’s bank account. After being chased for money and fame too many times, Joakim decided he’d enjoy this rarity to the fullest.

  The food had been delicious, as expected. Joakim was delighted to hear Kevin humming around mouthfuls. Being a hedonist himself, he found it undeniably attractive. A man who could appreciate good food, who’d moan carnally because of a unique taste, must have the capacity to enjoy other things fully.

  “Oh my god, this is obscene!” Kevin exclaimed and dipped his spoon into the melted chocolate. He laughed, cheeks pink—from sake or the atmosphere? From the brush of Joakim’s knee against his? Kevin hadn’t moved away from casual touches during the evening, and Joakim was coveting the possibility he might get to kiss him tonight.

  They had ordered the chocolate fondant for dessert, and Joakim couldn’t take his eyes of Kevin when he licked the spoon and groaned.

  “This is so good. You must try this, c’mon!”

  Joakim grinned and picked up his own spoon. He scooped up a piece of the dough and dipped it in the melted chocolate. It was indeed delicious, but Joakim was too captivated by Kevin’s sensual mouth closing around the cutlery to focus on his own taste buds.

  Dessert finished and sake glasses empty, Kevin seemed relaxed.

  “What now? A walk? A drink somewhere else?” he suggested with a smile. Joakim’s heart fluttered in his chest.

  “I’d love to.”

  “Awesome. I just need to…” Kevin lifted his thumb toward the discreet arrow pointing to the restrooms.

  “Sure, I’ll wait here.”

  When Kevin walked away, Joakim made sure to catch a server and pay the bill. When Kevin reappeared, Joakim stood by the exit with Kevin’s jacket in his arms.

  “But…” Kevin began.

  “Today was my treat. Second date will be on you.”

  “Okay. I can live with that.”

  They walked up the steep stairs to the Gothenburg Museum of Art, Kevin faster, light on his feet, and Joakim after him. The museum was closed, of course, but under the archways was one of the best views of the city. Joakim stared again, this time at the soft blond hair on Kevin’s nape. He was going to take his chances and kiss the man. Because holy hell, he didn’t know he had this much self-restraint to begin with, but he suspected he was nearing the bottom of the pot. The two glasses of sake hadn’t been enough to inebriate him, but while they’d revived his conversational skills, they certainly didn’t help with his self-control.

  Kevin hopped up the last step and turned, gazing over the night-lit city.

  “I missed Gothenburg,” he said softly.

  Joakim paused next to him but didn’t look over the city roofs. He was transfixed by Kevin’s profile in the glimmering night lights. Kevin’s eyes glistened, and his long lashes fluttered. Those lips. He couldn’t jump the man. Not here. He forced his eyes to turn away and tried to see the city. Kevin’s face was like a filter over his vision now, shadowing everything else. He blinked hard to clear his sight and mind.

  “I lived in Stockholm for five years after I finished Chalmers university,” Joakim said. “The city was too much. I came back to Gothenburg like a homesick little kid back from camp.” He smiled at the memory.